littlebitofearth

Mercury is in retrograde.

I'm not sure if you're into that hippy dippy astrology stuff, but in case you were wondering, I'm Aquarius with Aquarius rising. I'd say I'm your typical, atypical double-Aquarian, weird in (hopefully) charming ways and not the off-putting ones, all about philanthropy and helping people (plural) while being wary of most people (singular) because true intimacy...quelle horreur! But if the moon can make women go into labor and turn lycans into werewolves, why wouldn't the stars and planets impact us mortals too?

Mercury in retrograde gets a bad rap but it doesn't have to be a death sentence but it usually stings. It comes around three or four times a year to really fuck with your status quo, especially if you carry around a lot of baggage. Its prime directive is teaching you life lessons while leaving your feelings hurt and your ass sore. If you haven't worked through your daddy issues, ex-lover problems, self esteem challenges or the residual anxiety left from your high school bully, Mercury is coming for you. Feel your feelings, work through your emotional mire and pack your baggage in a box and ship it into orbit or you can rest assured it will show back up during a retrograde.

I started this one back in November with a family cruise for Thanksgiving - just laid down and let Mercury kick me in the ribs a few times with that travel choice. If I'd realized what was on the horizon when I booked it over a year ago, I'd seriously have picked a different month. On this cruise, my brother in law and his wife decided to come out to the family as swingers while staying in a room directly across the hall from our kids and our niece AND while sharing a CONNECTED room with my husband and I, upside down pineapple magnets on their door and all. My niece accused my father of staring at her breasts at dinner - fucking perverted old man - Sir, YOU may be deaf but WE can all still see where your eyes are going! And my father in law kept bringing up the time he "surprised" my husband and I by showing up uninvited on a couples cruise we took a few years ago. Wasn't that fun? Wasn't that funny? No, Papa Ken it was not, but your son, at 45, still can't define boundaries with you so you still don't know how badly that pissed us both off. Nothing like having romantic dinners staring at the sea with your father in law in tow. 

Since making landfall, it's just gotten better. My mom called to tell me three days later that they'd discovered my 80 year old father, yes, the pervert, has an eight centimeter mass in his kidney and he's going for surgery in less than a week to have it removed - not the mass, the whole kidney. Is it cancer, mom? Well, yes, but the doctor says it's encapsulated in the kidney so everything will be fine once it's out. EVERYTHING WILL BE FINE? It's crazy, and terrible, but my relationship with my dad is so complicated and fractious that I feel worse about the fact I don't feel anything at this revelation than the fact he has a cancerous kidney.

Within minutes of going back to work after my very relaxing cruise, I discovered an employee of mine, who I've been negotiating with upper management to give a promotion since JUNE, doesn't feel supported and has started interviewing at other places behind our back. We work at a public library! All I can do is advocate for her but government promotions take time! Her perception of her other supervisor and I is so hurtful when we are truly trying to do our best by her.

On Saturday night my son called me from a pawn shop parking lot in South Atlanta at 2 am. He was driving back to college after a concert and his tire exploded on the freeway. He was able to keep control of the vehicle and roll off the exit ramp and now was parked next to a liquor store next door and a sketchy motel. NOT a nice part of town. He was scared and I was scared and I stayed on the phone with him until roadside assistance finally arrived at 4:30 in the morning to get him on his way. Y'all, at one point a cop pulled up next to him and asked him what was up. My son said he had a popped tire and before he could add another word, the cop just said "Cool, man" and DROVE AWAY!!! Just left my 18 year old son with no offer of help. Protect and serve my ass.

And yesterday was the cherry on top of my Mercury Retrograde shit sundae. My best friend's wife and 2 1/2 year old son came into the library to grab some books. I only caught them to say hello as they were checking their books out at the front desk. I ran up and hugged my friend's wife and asked how they were doing and moments later their son collapsed, banging his head hard on the concrete floor. She picked him up screaming and as I watched in horror, his entire body went stiff and he started to have a seizure. This has never happened to him before.

So now I'm yelling to the front desk to call 911 and grabbing our security guard's coat to make this baby comfortable on the library floor between bookshelves as we wait for the ambulance to arrive. It was possibly the worst 15 minutes of my life as this precious boy shook uncontrollably and all his mother and I could do was hold his little head still so he didn't injure himself more. The ambulance came and whisked them both to the hospital where they sedated him and ran him through a CAT scan. Turns out he has the flu and RSV and they think it was a febrile seizure but now they are spending the night at Children's Healthcare of Atlanta instead of playing around their Christmas tree and I'm spending the night replaying the horror of that tiny child seizing on the floor with foam bubbling up on his pale lips.

So what's the lesson, Mercury? What's the goddamned lesson this time?

Right before my son's tire exploded we had an amazing night at an awesome jazz concert. Right before the baby had the seizure, I was blissfully sipping hot cocoa in a Secret Santa party. Right before the girls dropped the bomb on me that my dad continues to be a lecherous old coot, we were all laughing and drinking daquiris and getting our butts kicked at Mean Girls trivia. If the lesson is "You really have no control over your life even if you think you are in charge" or perhaps "Don't get too comfortable, shit can hit the fan at any given moment" well, hell, I already believe these things to the depths of my unmedicated, anxiety-ridden soul. If it's "You are smart to set firm boundaries and protect your peace" then yeah, I was already there. And if it's simply "Mercury is a back-stabbing bastard," I'll drink to that. If the message is, however, "Sometimes life sucks, but in the end we just live it moment to moment and hope for the best," well, I am still trying to accept that one. 

December 15, y'all. That's when Mercury continues on its orbit in the RIGHT direction again. December 15, although it supposedly takes a few more days for us mortals to be completely free of the effects. I am so ready for Sunday. This retrograde has left me feeling like I need to sequester myself in a sensory deprivation chamber for a few days of isolation and cleansing. Somebody light a match and sage this shit. Hopefully, we can all ring in the new year in peace...but don't hold your breath for a quiet March because guess who rolls into town again in just three months? Cheers!